Masalah...Masalah...

I feel that, lately I've been surrounded with problems and sadness. Not just my own. But others too.

Last week, we lost yet another significant male figure in the family. Allahyarham Zainal b. Mas'od, my late father, younger brother. He was the eldest uncle in our family after my father's death. And, he was just 50. This news is such a big blow to the family. In the span of 6 years, the family had lost its 3 leading man. And recently, one of my aunty had been diagnosed with a kidney failure as well. I really pity nyai, since she has to face all of her child's pain and deaths in front of her eyes. One of my aunty even mentioned that, she can't bear to go through anymore death in the family anymore. Yeah.. I can understand that.. Loss is just too painful..

Now, I'm seeing one more problem in front of me. And living with me as well. Once in a while. This problem come in a form of 3/4 years old girl. That's what the parents told us la.. Although I doubt so. Because I think she probably be already 5/6 years old. Doesn't matterla what her age is. Her father related to me while the mother is not. Plus, not Malaysian. You can guessla where her mother comes from. My mum had helped the parents to care for the child while the parents are working. I don't kow what the father is really doing but the mother is a factory-worker who do like 24hrs work-shifts and stay over at the factory-hostel. So, the child will stay with us like everyday until the parents come to pick her up at whenever time they feel convenient. Just imagine, how she was put under strangers house before for days and days. There's a lot of stories behind this la, on how the father left his former wife and 5 childrens (with 1 is an OKU) and also he had cut the connection between the other family as well. So, we have not known what had happened to him and his life with this new wife. Although we had the assumptions that the wife had used some 'guna-guna' to this girl's father, but it does not looked like, the wife is living the easy life too. With the kid's identity is still unknown, with the parents marriage certificate is in the blurr, (obviously the nikah was not performed under Jabatan Agama), the kid has no birth certificate..no MyKid..her age is increasing and obviously will need an education at some point. I have no idea where the future of this child is. Wow..headachela.. I can't really handle this kind of drama in my life. It's just too messy and I don't think I want to be involved.

So, here, I'm just stating the major setbacks that are happening rite? Just imagine that I have a lot more on my plate to settle. My thoughts are keep on bombarding with all these issues. And this definitely is not doing good at all for my 'Law of Attraction' practice. That's why sometimes, it feels good to be out from home and work and have good time with friends. It definitely feels good to be out from problems once in awhile :)

Salam Maal Hijrah

"Allah SWT berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhamad SAW, ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat baginda dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

Wahai Tuhan, Engkaulah yang kekal abadi, yang qadim. yang awal dan ke atas kelebihanMu yang besar dan kemurahanMu yang melimpah dan ini adalah tahun baru yang telah muncul di hadapan kami.

Kami memohon pemeliharaan dariMu di sepanjang tahun ini dari Syaitan dan pembantu-pembantunya dan tentera-tenteranya dan juga pertolongan terhadap diri yang diperintahkan melakukan kejahatan dan usaha yang mendekatkanku kepadaMu Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Agung dan Maha Mulia.

Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha pengasih dari mereka yang mengasihi dan Allah berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhamad. Nabi yang ummi dan ke atas ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabatnya dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka"

Law of Attraction

Continuation from the seminar I went last Saturday.. I was drawn into this 'Law of Attraction' concept. I can't really explain about the quantum physics side of it and how this relate to the universe and gravity and how our thoughts can meet each other and stuffs. But a few highlights that I can point in here...

"Birds of a feather flock together"
Law of attraction states that like attracts like. "Whatever you want, wants you"

"you can change your life because you can change the way you think"
The Law of Attraction simply says that, everything you have in life, you attracted to yourself because of the way you think.

“If you do not attract what you want to be, you will be what you are, FOREVER”

– Ankur Sancheti

"your thoughts are extremely powerful"
Thoughts are a form of mental energy that travel at the speed of light. They are so fine that they can go through any barriers. This is why, for example, you can think about a person, sometimes at a great distance, and in the next moment, he phone will ring and that person will be on the line. Your thoughts have connected with that person the moment you thought of them.

"Believe the genie in you"
Sometimes, we can hear people complain about their hardship. "Why bad things always happenned to me?" "Why I can't get the job that can give me 1 year bonus?" "Why I always got short of cash?".Law of attraction does not distinguish between what is good or what is not. The genie in you would answer, “You attracted it, so, you are given”, “Your wish is my command”. In fact, the worse your life might seem, the higher the probability that the genie is working hard of fullfilling your every fear (emotion), thought (expectation) and insight. Thus, we need to always check on our thoughts and attractions, what we attract should be in sync with what we want.

I believe that Law of attraction can be applied in every path of our life (be it attracting a dream life, to attract wealth, money or abundance, to attract a dream job, to find a perfect soul mate, to make a better relationship, in nutshell to get what you badly want). Unconciously, I already applied law of attraction in most of the path of my life, both the positive (what I want) and negative (what I do not want) side of it. Since, I'm more aware of it now, I should, from now on to start visualise on the things that I WANT ONLY and attract those that I want, so it can be true one day. Insya Allah....

I Dreamed a Dream

I went to a seminar yesterday. The topics were mostly inpirational and motivational stuffs. The 'Yes-You-Can!!' type, if you know what I mean. One of the things that really get to me that day was when the speaker showed the video of Susan Boyle when she was auditioning for the Britain's Got Talent show. I watched some of her youtubes before but not this one. I really got the chill when she sang in that audition. I almost cried my heart out watching it. It was just so inspirational. It is a perfect example of 'never judge a book by its cover'. I learned that, one, you can find inspirations from unexpected source. It's not always that skinny - peferct skin - super intelligent woman can inspire you to be confident. Two, it's never too late to chase your dream. If you belive in yourself, the ability and the talent that you have, when the opportunity presented in front of you, you should grab it. Three, I should never make fun of other people's dream and goals. We can always say to people dearest to us, saying that his/her dream is ridiculous.. like "Jangan nak berangan la...", "Cermin diri tu dulu" and so on and so on. Like thinking, only people who were smart in school can be successful and millionaires. Girls who are beautiful and hot can get a rich and good looking husband. How that can be so wrong at times..

I'm a Victim?

I was actually trying to psycho-analyse myself. I don't know... living in this difficult world and era.. people are living in desperations and are willing to do everything and anything to survive. I always feel like I'm being used all the time. Sometimes, I don't mind being used because what I did was just an act of kindness or respect to that person(s). But, there definitely time when I feel very uncomfortable and doubting the motives of other people's towards me. I start question myself. Am I the victim of many manipulators in this world?

I, like most of people who does not have any formal knowledge on something, turn to Wikipedia to help me get the answers. hahaha.. Okla kan.. I can't afford psychiatrist ma...

According to Braiker as quoted in the Wikipedia, manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities (buttons) that may exist in victims:
1. the "disease to please" - I think I have this 'disease'. At least my mum dah puas manipulated me on a lot of things since I like it so much to please her.. :p
2. addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others - Not so much on this. I'm not a person who cares so much whether ppl 'approve' me or like me or otherwise. If they don't.. too bad la kan..
3. Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion) - Shit! This's such a big words. Some more..no Wiki page is exist to further explain this to me. hmm.. fear of negative emotion? I pass..
4. lack of assertiveness and ability to say no - yeah.. I have a little of this other disease as well. I'm a 'YES' woman. Anything can one. People ask this and that.. I gerenti can do one.. But only to certain things la kan.. Good manipulators will know my weak spot and I will not be able to say 'No'.. huhuhu.. this one is scaryla..
5. blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries) - I laugh of to this one coz a lot of people said that I'm blur.. hahaha.. not sure if my blur is related to this blurry sense...whatever.
6. low self-reliance - hmm.. I'm quite independent really. I don't think I rely on other people so much.
7. external locus of control - external 'locus' means that the person believe that their environment, some higher power, or other people control their decisions and their life. This is quite tricky. . I'm thinking harder about this 1. I feel like what I choose to do in life basically are what I want. But, if what I want is actually already been controlled by other people, let say my parents, then I can't really 100% believe that I control my own decisions and life?

Am I the favourite victims of the manipulators out there? I don't know.. What do u think?

5 Months Recap

Wow!!! It's been awhile.. (I'm not too sure if 5 months can consider as awhile though).. So much stuffs that I had missed to share in here.. one probably my trip to KK.. had so much fun.. Ate a lot!!!! Got to see the magnificent Mount Kinabalu.. Once there, I feel like, I one day, want to climb it.. Need to get my stamina in place first.. huhuhu.. and partner(s) to climb with too..

Some of you may already know about this.. that my mum moved out from our house in Wangsa Maju to live with Opah at Bkt Sentosa in July.. live in separation with Zulaika was really tough.. I almost broke to tears everytime saying goodbye to her on Sunday.. So sad to see her crying and wanting to follow me back to KL.. Not only that, I also thought that life would be super-jolly not living under the same roof as mum, but it was not so much the case.. I was too complacent with mum around in the house doing all the dirty laundry and housekeeping and cooking etc etc.. To get myself to do-everything-yourself routines were super tough.. I was so kind to give mum my car.. well, for groceries shopping and stuffs.. Thus, I was relying on public transport to go to work and anywhere!!! what i can say is.. KL public transportation system is SUX!!!! Big time! Particularly the bus and komuter.. I just can't remember how many hours I had wasted on just waiting.. well..

2 weeks before Hari Raya, I decided to stay at Bkt Sentosa to support my mum caring for Opah - with Opah was not at her usual strength, and Zulaika with her 'ragam', an additional little cousin who my mum 'accidentally' baby-sit.. plus it was still Ramadhan month and most of the aunties will only come near to Hari Raya.. so, my mum was really in need for an extra hands.. So much chaos.. Lots of family drama.. I can't believe that the few weeks I stayed there were the last few weeks of Opah as well.. Yes, she's old. But she's healthy. I did not expect that her time has come.. Although I did had my share of tension-breakdown staying with her, I felt so blessed that I had the opportunity to care for her during those last moments.. Experience that I will cherish forever..

Now, life is back to normal.. Everybody are now back in Wangsa Maju and that's why, I can have the time to actually do this.. hehehe..

For Sale...

We are putting the below dining table (6 seats) for sale. If you know any antique furniture lover who might be interested, left me a message, kay?

Price: RM500 nego. Shipping Method: Self-Pick. Condition: Good. Made: Kayu Jati. P.O.B: Kalimantan, Indonesia